braddocks-blog

Golden Rule of Building a New Social Circle (Social Circle Mastery)

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 05:57:43 +0100

In our Social Circle Mastery seminar Mr. M and I call this the “Golden Rule” for starting a new tree. Go for respect first and popularity second. It’s easy to gain popularity. It’s brutal to earn back the respect that you gave away up front. This applies with guys and girls.

Sometimes you may try to appease an asshole of the group or try to ‘go along to get along’ by doing what you think is popular, but the truth is you are only digging a deeper hole. This goes back to the old David D quote of, “Trying to trade status for acceptance and approval.” (We’ve all messed this one up). I know lots of guys who are popular, but are nowhere near acquiring a power broker seat within their social circle. Guys in the power broker seats date the hottest and most women in any given social circle.

This does not mean become the lame try hard guy who tries to play leader all the either. That will get you opposite of respect just as fast. You can easily gain respect without trying to be the leader. Just be real and act out of your own intentions regardless of what the group says or does without being to rigid either way.

Fuck this could, and may, turn into a 10 page post someday, but for now simply remember the golden rule of building a new social circle.

Respect first, popularity second. When you get good, you go for both at the same time.

Few of the things I think of when I think of respect. I’m sure there are many more….

1. Strong Boundaries

2. Don’t give people any more respect than they earn.

3. Honesty at all cost.

4. Authentic at all cost. (Fuck what everyone thinks)

5. Shine by actions, not by words.

6. Abundance mentality (With everything)

7. People must earn your praise. Your praise is as rare as Gold. You don’t hand it out unless people truly deserve it.

8. You are never jealous. (See number 6)

9. Only laugh if something is truly funny. (No courtesy laughs) Yet, you would never withhold laughter.

10. You like, but don’t need others validation.

11. Apologize rarely, but it means a lot when you do.

12. Keep your secrets. Why would you share them with people who don’t matter?

13. “Don’t spend major time with minor people.” -Deleanor Roosevelt (I.E. Negative, people who make excuses…etc)

14. It’s hard to get “in” with you. You are nice to everyone, but you don’t get close to just anyone. They have to earn it. “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.” -George Washington

15. Your time is precious. Don’t let people disrespect your time, yet expect you to respect theirs.

16. Don’t ask advice from the weak. Better yet, don’t ask advice from anyone who isn’t living the life you want to live.

17. Never lean or leak emotionally on other people. (May be the quickest way to lose respect. People who are not self reliant are disgusting!) This does not mean you can’t ask favors or advice. This means you are emotionally fragile and need others approval to know you are ok.

18. Never change your beliefs, values, sense of humor, or bend the truth in the face of value. (Read this one 100 times. Most important. Every time I have broke this law I’ve hated myself for it!!! Anytime someone breaks this law around me, I’ve hated them for it.)

19. Has no problem teasing or qualifying people of high value, because you don’t consider them higher value. You just consider them people. People with high and low value characteristics.

20. Favorite David D quote……Learn to say “No” a lot. Also, be ok hearing “No.”

Have a good holiday weekend!

If you are going to the lake, wear your arm floaties.

Social Circle Mastery – Revealing the Social Matrix

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 00:38:58 +0100

Before I get into some of the specifics, I want to reassure you that before Love Systems I was not naturally great at social situations. I was never the popular guy in school and my social life since then wasn’t a whirlwind of activity. Braddock’s story is slightly different (and hopefully we can get him to tell it in an upcoming LSi) but the point is that you don’t have to be one of the naturally socially powerful people to succeed with Social Circle Mastery.

Having Social Circle Mastery means that you have the lifestyle, the friends, the connections, the access to people/places/parties/events and the hot women in your social circle. Beautiful women should be plentiful, abundant and dying to be a part of your Social Circle and your life. It is a social magnetism towards your life. It also means having the ability to seduce women like a rockstar through this social circle.

The Basics: Social Dead Ends and Two Types of Connectors

Let’s begin with basics, the building blocks that will help with the more advanced Social Circle Mastery concepts. First, let’s define two terms or different types of people: ‘social dead ends’ and ‘connectors’. A social dead end is someone who adds no value to your life and generally brings you down – usually through things like negativity, inability to progress, or disinterest in evolving as a person. Many people who go through our exercises at the beginning of our Social Circle Mastery seminar recognize some of these behaviors in themselves. Human beings are imperfect.

A connector (our use of this term is inspired by Malcolm Gladwell in The Tipping Point, though obviously we’ve changed it to apply to dating science instead of to societal trends). There are actually a couple of different kinds of connector. A social connector is someone who has a particular and rare set of social skills. They belong in multiple social circles and introduce people to other people all the time.

A ‘value connector’ is a bit different. Such a person may be social – and is likely to be – but it doesn’t matter if s/he is a recluse. A value connector has access to scarce resources, where a social connector “only” has access to different social networks. A value connector may be a doorman or promoter who can get you into a hot venue. S/he might have access to parties, events, premieres, famous people, and so on. This gives you value as well, one step removed. Remember in Chapter 7 of Magic Bullets when Savoy goes through the eight qualities that are universally attractive to women, and how the book shows how can you demonstrate Status (one of the qualities) through your Social Circle as well as through yourself? That’s what we’re building off of here. Some people are both social connectors and value connectors.

Of course, we’re not talking about using people or a mercenary approach to friendship. Most connectors are interesting, positive and passionate people who inspire others around them. Surrounding yourself with high-value people will motivate you to make the best of your life as opposed to surrounding yourself with people whose own failings, insecurities and need to protect their ego justifies settling for the familiar and the Routine. To paraphrase Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, when you hang around people who are excellent, you become excellent yourself.

The Structure of Your Social Life: the power of fifteen

Most people’s social lives can be mapped to a series of concentric circles. There is an innermost “core” of one or two close friends. Then comes an inner core of another 3-5 people and an outer core of another 5-15 people. These aren’t arbitrary numbers – this is how the human mind subconsciously qualifies social relationships. Doing both the academic and the real-world research to come with that was a pain, but it’s an important concept. The people in these cores comprise of the people who most influence your life. It has been said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people that you hang around the most’. This is partially true, but it is more accurate to say that most people are influenced by up to 15 people at a time, as different relationships ebb and flow in intensity.

Managing your core is crucial. Your objective should be to fill your core as much as possible with connectors. They should bring value to you and you need to bring value to them.

This will have an immediate impact on your dating life, whether or not you go for 10s. One of the insights from Magic Bullets is that women will judge you based on your friends. This is true for one night stands (if you are around fun, cool people and are the life of the party, you are immediately more attractive) and even more for longer-term relationships, since most women are interested in the social life and opportunities that you bring her to. A lot of this “immediate effect” dimension builds off of the great interview that Savoy and The Don did on Advanced Winging (download it now on Seductioninfo – it’s one of the best interviews in the series and if you ever go out with a wingman, it will improve both of your results immediately).

Taking it one step further, your social network should not only be attractive to women, but also be a source of beautiful women into your life. This is something we cover in detail in the Social Circle Mastery seminars and will figure prominently in future articles.

On a more advanced level, when you are introduced through friends to other friends, your pre-existing alliances often determine your social value and your relative value to the person to which you are being introduced. Don’t go saying “I don’t want to play that game”. Beautiful women are hyper-conscious of social value.

The key principle about your core is to bring value to peoples’ lives and they will bring value to yours. Be a connector and have other connectors in your life. If all the slots in your top fifteen are filled with negative people who don’t offer value or exhibit forward momentum in their own lives, then you might need to reassess the role that they play in yours. You can have friends you like and care about who don’t help you meet your goals in life, but these should not be the only friends you have.

Your top three cores (the approximately 15 most present people in your life) determine your social success –in terms of (a) social status (b) life orientation and (c) at least some degree life success. You can’t expect to fill these spaces with people who can’t help you reach your goals and then complain that these goals are out of reach.

Social Trees

The last concept I want to define in this article is that of Social Trees. Everyone is part of a number of different social trees. Examples of where ‘social trees’ arise include your workplace, your school, the guys that you go out with, your yoga class etc. Social trees are relative in value to you and to each other. For example, having a high position on a certain low value social tree (e.g. the leader of two geeky guys who each have no friends) is not as socially valuable as having a low position on a high-value social tree (e.g., the celebrity hanger-on who occasionally gets to sleep with beautiful fans). That being said, it is always advisable to be amongst the top of one tree. One practical use of this is on dates, which we often plan so that she can see you in a social environment in which you’re up at the top of the social tree (e.g., you’re throwing a party, so you invite her to come with you). You shouldn’t have to re-read Magic Bullets to know how powerful an effect that social status has on women.

Understanding trees is understanding social dynamics, and our techniques for “tree climbing” (becoming the alpha mate of trees), “tree jumping” (how to switch trees) and merging trees are part of the magic of Social Circle Mastery and we should touch on these in future articles.

Initial Insights

The goal of this article is to introduce the concept of connectors, dead ends, cores, and trees. With that as a foundation, we can get into some of the more insights and strategies for Social Circle Mastery (or when you come take the seminar, you will be able to hit the ground running from the first minute). Additionally, I wanted you to think of Social Circles as something you can manage, indeed master, as opposed to taking a purely passive approach about who ends up in your life.

As an exercise, I’d like you to think about your social relationships in terms of cores and trees. Map them out on paper. Ask yourself who is a social connector, who is a value connector (some people may be both) and who is a dead end. What is missing from your social life? Who might you want to cultivate? Are you bringing value to the connectors in your life?

Just by asking yourself these sorts of questions, you will already be taking a giant leap forward over most men.

Dating Tips On Inner Game For Men: Abundance Part 1

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 04:07:15 +0100

Lacking the feeling of abundance makes us change who we are and can even make us sacrifice our values. We will literally do anything to be loved including changing who we are.

When you meet a guy or girl who has a strong sense of who they are and doesn’t seem to compromise there values or character in any situation or around any person, this is almost always because they have a strong feeling of abundance in their life.

When you have great friends, you will do very little to impress new people and are damn sure not willing to do or say something that goes against your character. You don’t need to practice boundaries, because you naturally have them as a result of needing nothing. You have great stuff in your life, so you naturally bilge out anything/any one/any behavior that sucks or makes you feel bad.

When you don’t have true abundance, you sadly “need” people. As a result you will do whatever and give up whatever to get their affection. You will become anyone and sell your Soul essentially to stay in good graces with them.

As a result, they like the fake you that you present, but deep down you are dying inside, because they don’t like the real you.

Think of any one you know who has great abundance in any one area of life. In this area, because they have so many great options, simply don’t have time for bad deals or bad people. They feel the need to, “Make something work.” They have so many options, they simply pick the best ones and dismiss the bad ones the second they realize its a raw deal.

The need for abundance is important in all areas of life, but it couldn’t be truer than in the arena of dating. When you don’t feel like you could replace the girl you are dating, you are in deep shit.

You will allow things you would never normally allow and every time you do, you sell your Soul a little more. You dig a deeper hole of neediness and dependence that can be easily exploited. You are now easily manipulated and you know you are not this person, but you feel you can’t replace them, so you take it. You sacrifice you values and boundaries in exchange for the illusion of their love. Keeping them in love with the fake me is better than not having their love at all.

This is all good and well, but some day you will have to atone for this behavior. Once they discover you are so weak that there is literally nothing they could do to make you walk away, you are in serious trouble. They will lose respect and attraction for you. Worse, they will hold the strings to the puppet that you have become. They can act rude, cold, hateful, and make it look like it’s your fault. You will find yourself apologizing for things that are clearly not your fault. They will become ruder and more condescending the more you try to appease.

Every once in a while you will hit a threshold where their behavior is so bad, that you will be forced to step up and have a backbone, but this insurrection will quickly be put down by their calm dismissal of your feelings and willingness to walk away. You will chase, plead, and beg for them to not leave. This will only make things worse and you fall deeper down the rabbit hole.

If, on the other hand you can hit the realization that while you do love them and would hate to walk away, you can and will walk away anytime your very clear basic boundaries and values have been compromised by their chosen actions. Not only will you walk away, but you realize you are capable of attracting people that are equally/more exciting than them and they are everywhere. This realization makes it clear that you will not accept a raw deal and will quickly punish or end the relationship if bad behavior even hints at becoming a theme.

It’s not them that are rude or mean, it is you who have created this nightmare by allowing it and by allowing yourself to be disillusioned into thinking you “need” this girl or assuming she is not replaceable. This type of thinking is false and dangerous. This is a recipe for disaster, depression, and self loathing. You need to seek some healthy advice from reputable Dating Coach before it’s going to be too late.

Dates: The Cooking Date (Guest Post by Von Pounders)

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 09:45:09 +0100

Hey guys,

Cooking is one of my passions, and as I’m beginning to get a little better at getting dates, I want to begin cooking for girls at my place.

If anyone has some solid ideas on fun cooking dates, I would love to hear it. I’m also wondering how you structure the date, as in, do you invite the girl over to help cook, do you go out afterward, what night of the week is best for cooking dates, etc. I think this is something that can help a lot of us in the community.

Answer

Setting up the Date: the Dating Coach

I usually do this for a second or third date, on a week night (Sunday-Thursday) starting about 6:00-7:30pm

I cook regularly and take pictures of a few of the best dishes. Start doing the same. On some evening around dinner time text her a picture of a great dish you made and talk about how well it came out: “this is one of my best renditions”, or “this dish came out great.”

If she bites and asks about if you really know how to cook, or what is in the dish, or anything like that, then you can start a short exchange about how you learned to cook and so on. At this point you can do one of two things; (1) if it is “on” and she seems really interested, then you can set up the date for her to come over, (2) if there is moderate interest you can end the exchange with an open ended offer: “Ya, a few of my friends try to get me to cook for them all the time. If you’re a good girl maybe we could cook together some time.” If that gets her to directly ask you to do it, set up the date. If not, change the topic and continue the text exchange. Re initiate the conversation about dinner some time (hours/days) in the future, when you have a high energy text exchange going.

The Date: How to approach women

Get her to come to your house/apartment, and tell her you will go shop for the ingredients together. When you greet her at the door gives her a hug, and ask if she needs to drop anything off in the house. Go back inside briefly if needed and drive her to the store. You should have the recipe decided in advance and have cooked it WELL a time or two. Basically you want to look at the recipe as a reference rather than instructional, because you already know how to cook it. Have the ingredients listed on paper or in your phone so you don’t forget anything (that’s the worst)! Moving her from your place to the store, and from isle to isle throughout the store builds investment from her. Moving around the store give lots of opportunity to keno escalate (touch her). Lead her by the arm, touch her on the back as you walk around. Hip check her or put your arm around her shoulders as you both look at the racks while selecting items (don’t hold the touches too long at this point, you want to break first and leave her wanting more.) Remember you are the leader, you direct where to go next and make a final decision on which salad dressing, cut of meat, or whatever goes in the cart. Discuss it with her since that makes you more of a team and creates a “we/us” environment, but don’t look to her to make decisions. Part of her attraction to you is your ability to simplify her life, be a man and make the decisions. Once you have all the ingredients, go pick out a bottle of wine together. When you get to the register pay for the items, if she offers to split it tell her “no that’s not necessary.” If she insists, tell her she can pay for dinner next time. Calm, cool and collect, nothing rattles you, and nothing is that big a deal.

Once you guys get back to the house go put on the TV or some music while she unbags the ingredients. Open the wine and poor both of you a glass (buy wine glasses if you don’t have any, you can get them for cheap.) Cheers her, “to good food and great company.” Now it is time to start cooking, again, this is your kitchen so you want to lead. Give her jobs to do, like cut the vegetables and wash the salad, while you cut up the meat and do the more involved steps. Keep up the banter and conversation. Touch her thought, on the back, stroke her hair (when you hands are clean), pull her away from what she is working on and tease her about how bad a job she is doing. If you haven’t yet, kiss her while you are cooking. Not a make out, but a nice kiss or two, then go on about your business and finish preparing the meal.

Once dinner is ready, sit down on the couch and watch a comedy movie. You don’t want action or a drama. Action has fighting, shooting, killing and stirs up the wrong emotions for romance. Dramas are too involved, and you will be less likely to banter during the movie. A good slap stick comedy, creates great emotions and does not demand your undivided attention. You can easily miss 15 minutes of the movie while you talk about something and it won’t matter. Once you finish eating you are both already on the couch and the rest should be history.

Remember guys, any girl that comes alone to your house for dinner is very interested, and is hopping you successfully seduce her. She wants to be alone with you romantically and it is your job to stir up the right emotions for that to happen. Lead, be confident with your actions, touch her, deep eye contact, smile, and escalate the interaction sexually. It is your job and she wants you to do it.

Have fun!

-Von Pounders

pounders@lovesystems.com

vonpounders.com

Dating Tips: How can I make girls laugh?

Thu, 07 Jun 2012 14:25:11 +0100

Question:

Barney Stintson: “So i can crack an endless amount of jokes and teases when i’m with my close friends, but its really hard to just get into that same mindset with a stranger…any ideas on how to break that barrier and how to attract women with jokes?

Answer:

What makes me funny is heavy doses of cheap booze and even cheaper women. I also noticed that women found my jokes much funnier once I dropped in that I had a 13 inch cock. I’m just kidding….maybe.

I had this same problem. Cracking my boys up and girls in my social circle….then….same jokes on girls in cold approach and a God damn tumble weed would roll through the room and you could hear crickets chirp.

What I figured out is that I was trying to pull them into humor that required to much insider info for a newcomer. A girl coming into your pre existing Social Circle will laugh at jokes she doesn’t quite get to feel accepted or because she can tell everyone else is responding to you well.

In cold approach you don’t get that luxury.
Think of it like this. In humor you have “local” and “global” themes. Local themes are themes that are funny only if you have been in that exact situation or had that exact very specific experience. This is what usually manifests with your buddies. You guys build joke after joke off of themes that have been running for years. You’ve seen the same movies, been on the same trips, you know specific quirks and character traits of each member of the group. Since all members know each member very well, a joke about one of those members quirks will get a laugh out of everyone. A one liner from a favorite movie will have the group cracking up, because it probably actually ties in several “local” themes that have been long running.
“Global” themes are themes that everyone can get and that need zero prior knowledge for them to understand. As long as they have been on planet earth, have the internet, watch some TV and have seen at least the top movies, than they will get these jokes.

These jokes are often less funny, but by starting with these, you can open them up to the idea that you are funny and eventually you can make girls laugh. They can get used to you and seeing your style of humor and then you can start building “local” jokes with them as the interaction progresses. This can happen really fast. Introduce a “global” theme and if they laugh, start introducing “local” themes to add spice and conspiracy between the two of you.

Jumping in with the “local” jokes is doable, but it obviously risks them not getting it and making you feel like your cock is hanging out in 2* weather.

Or….

Just tell them you have a 13 inch cock that you want to put in or around their mouth. It works 100% of the time 20% of the time.

-Braddock